The Reality™ Institute

Ben always checks the “Missed Connections” on craigslist to see if anyone writes about him, so for Ben’s B-day, Nahenahekameleopalama Ihara-san had the great idea to post a bunch of Missed Connections about him. These are the results. Ben, Mele, and I say thanks to everyone who did it! Ben especially says thanks!

Tea Party – w4m – 18 (Los Angeles/DC)

Ben – we met at the tea party protest. I liked your position on health care and thought you had nice god-fearing sensibility. Then as we grew closer I realized how much I liked your hands on my medicare and how articulate you really are, and I could barely contain my urge to tea bag you. Anyway, I hope we can stand together in front of death panels for many years to come. Happy America birthday!!
xoxo – Jane Taxpayer

If only there was a Nyberg in my life – w4m – 22 (Hipsterville)

Ben – we met at some hipster bar in echo park. I liked your hair and thought you had nice butt. Then as we grew closer I realized how gay and hilarious you really are, and I could barely contain my sexual arousal. Anyway, I hope we can drink for many years to come. Happy fucking birthday!!
xoxo – Chelsea Mae

You told me your name was Ben, I loved your style… – w4m – 22 (Silver Lake)

I wanted to talk to you, but you were so cool that I was intimidated.
You were wearing a hilarious shirt with Hillary Clinton’s head on it.
I think your friends were singing the birthday song to you, so it must have been your birthday. Happy Birthday!

Someday, I hope I can be your big bday present.

You were wearing a Hillary Clinton shirt – w4m – 25 (The Reality Institute Sweat Lodge)

O glorious night
The timbre of my heart
Youre witty clothing
The timbre of my heart

My soul spread apart like a gaping void
Red and moist, the goatman singeth

On your shirt I saw the image of Hillary Clinton
In your eyes I saw my future:
An apartment in the West (where there’s more land)
Two children, both slightly challenged mentally (one more so than the other)
Two incestuous brother cats
Forever and happy.

It was the happiest birthday a man could ask for
It was a happy birthday to you!
Let your eggs hang low
Let them wobble to and fro
Love 8=========>()() Mike

French Connection – w4m – 57 (Fairfax/Melrose)

Ben – I remember meeting you at “The Dime” on Fairfax, and taking an interest in you because of both your willingness to feign enjoyment at dirty jokes (“what’s the difference between the fog in London and the position 69?”) and you lack of an aversion to butt grabbing, cheek kissing, and general creepiness. I was the 57 year old Parisian, of a — shall we say, Bardot-esque beauty. I really thought that we had a connection (“zue-la-pa-tif,” as we say in France) but when I invited you back to my place for a little wine and pornography, you said something about having to drive your friends home. You were the cutest of your group (made up of le Negre and the … ah, how do you say? Ah, yes, Homo-sexu-al!).
Mon cheri, I have thought about you ever since that fateful night, and decided to post on this site to see if you too had been thinking of me.
I hope we will meet again.

(Happy Birthday, Ben!)

Wouhou my dear Ben ! – w4m – 23 (Los Angeles)

Hello !!!

I would like to wish a very very excellent birthday to my friend Ben !!! He was the best one night stand that I’ve had of my life so girls, contact me if you want his number. He’s a talented designer and funny funny =)

I hope you’ll have a good one !!! Get drunk and Be Strong !

Dislay

Is this thing called love? – w4m – 4 (Korea town)

Hey love,
You were with two other guys, one skinny and the other one with dark brown hair, speaking with a weird accent. I met you 2 months ago. It was in korea town near by the frank n’ hanks bar, at Carl’s Jr. I was at the register. I don’t know if you checked on me. I served you a guacamole bacon burger combo. I wanted to talk to you, but I was busy taking some onion rings out the fryer. You were so cool wearing this slim jean that I was intimidated. Maybe we could get together and celebrate this encounter. Or simply your birthday Ben?

I met you at the Centaur convention – w4m – 23 (Dungeon Carousel)

HI…
DO U REMEMBER ME?
I WAS THE BIG, BEAUTIFUL PEARLY WHITE PONY AT THE CENTAUR FETISH CONVENTION TWENTY YEARS AGO. YOU WERE JUST A BOY THEN, NOT EVEN 5 YEARS OLD. YOU RODE ON MY BACK AND WE GALLOPED MERRILY IN CIRCLES FOR YOUR PARENTS. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BOY, THE WAY YOUR BANGS BRUSHED OVER YOUR BLUE EYES IN THAT EDGY WAY AND HOW YOU SMELLED LIKE LILACS. YOU GRABBED MY HORN AND IT SENT SPARKS OF ELECTRICITY THROUGH MY SUPERNATURAL BODY. BUT YOU WERE JUST A BOY…
I LOVED YOU.
I STILL LOVE YOU.
YOU PROMISED ME THAT WE WOULD SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN BY THE TIME YOU WERE 25 AND THAT DAY HAS FINALLY COME. PLEASE WRITE AND VISIT ME AT THE STABLES FOR ONE LAST RIDE…
I LOVE YOU BEN!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
LOVE, JAREMA

Vegas PooNanny Seeks White boy with Jack Daniels – m4m – 25 (Las Vegas)

Your name was Ben.

Saw you at the Jack Black Table…

You were wearing red plaid and losing all your money.

Goddang you wuz zexy.

You had medium brown auburn locks of hair…and looked like I could eat you right now.

Your big thug asian friend came and gave you some shit, and I got really jealouz.

Who you is bro?

You comin’ back?

I wanna lick lick lick lick you from your head to your toe, and I wanna – uh uh – right down to tha floor.

Give me a call sugh.

Come back.

I can be your samson, if you could be my’s delilah.