Despite what anyone might say, I am the hero of this story. Everyone knows everything. Everyone has the answer to everything. Everyone is a goddamn superhero. I’m sorry, I’m throwing you right into the middle of this. Well, I find it hard not to because that’s how I’ve got to tell you this story. To […]
A day in the death of dole Dole’s life was (to me) like an instruction manual on being happy. This is what I might say at his funeral. No, his funeral is not a morbid thought or at least no one would think so at this moment because that’s what you think of when your […]
Let me begin by saying that… I am dead. People die. It should be of no surprise. The method of my death was a bit surprising to me, however. Let’s just say that I only know of at least one other person who has died like me. And how am I telling you this story […]
“Well, yeah, I know it’s the Giant’s responsibility to hold us up. If he didn’t, we’d fall into oblivion.” “Then, I guess I just don’t really see what you’re getting at.” “Well, we know that the Giant is a being of unlimited strength, I’m just saying, what if he lets go?” “The Giant would do […]
A tired old man explains in his head, “I’ll keep this promise to myself, never to say this thing that I feel because I don’t want to jinx anything.” Tired as he may be, he grows tired still wanting the words of his feelings to spread his lips and inform those around him. This thing […]
To my impulsive friends: Let my words strike at the very core of your souls and make you rise up out of your chairs… for I have been shot. Shake your fists in anger and scream out to the ceiling, “Why?! Why have you forsaken me?!” Demand to know the perpetrator of this crime and […]
Mr. Stanley Tolstoy is a forty-six year old human sponge. Now, this isn’t a figure of speech. Stanley’s an actual, genuine sponge. A surprising fact, really. His mother was especially surprised. The day her water broke, she didn’t see any water because her baby had absorbed it all. She just went right into contractions. Stanley’s […]
Results and Discussion My colleagues and I have come to the conclusion that the life of our subject, Ms. Reilly, is a depressing one. Our results indicate that she makes us feel for her, although we cannot do anything for her. We cannot intervene, you know, so that we don’t skew the data. Personally, though […]
Dear Mom, Things are good here. I guess you could say “all’s quiet on the western front.” God I wish I hadn’t said that. I don’t even know what the western front is. Although, I could look it up. Anyways, I’ve wrote it and that’s the point. As I was saying, things are good here. […]
Wake up-2-3. Sob-2-3. Fetal Position-2-3. Twirl. Laugh-2-3. Shout-2-3. Mumble-2-3. Dip. Talk to self-2-3. Get evaluated-2-3. Paranoia-2-3. Sleep-2-3. Twirl We all have routines, a set pattern of things that we do everyday. Although, every once in a while, we divert from our normal behavior and do something entirely different. It’s just like dancing-2-3. Descartes said something […]
