Blog #9: The Man Who Sold the Blog
I haven’t blogged since I heard that China was allowed to sell ivory. I’ve been trying to kill elephants to sell ivory for years, but everyone keeps telling me how illegal and dangerous it is for me and all of the people in the poaching business. Also, I just recently learned that it’s illegal in the United States to booby trap your own house. I can’t even trap boobies in my house, let alone keep famous actors twisted, but funny and heart warmingly dangerous burglars from breaking into my house using matchbox cars and paint cans. Makes you think, huh? I mean, blog. First, I’m not allowed to kill elephants and take their tusks, reducing the number of overall elephants in the world. Next thing you know, I’m not allowed to blog.
The world’s a funny place, you know? I guess it’s not that funny or else everyone would be dressed up like clowns and mimes and firemen. Instead, everyone walks around dressing like jerks and regular people and nuns and cops and firemen. But, a lot of times I think that we could really be having a lot more fun. Some people out there are having a lot of fun, like the clowns and mimes and Avril Lavigne and firemen. Then again, a lot of people are not as lucky as mimes. Like, for some reason, which probably isn’t quite understood, people become obsessed with celebrities like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen and then the celebrities become bulimic and addicted to drugs and anti-Semitic drunk driver Mel Gibsons. Which is weird because you think that rich, famous people have everything they need and then they don’t and they’re like animals or Lost characters in a zoo.
I’m pretty lucky. I have a pretty crazy time myself watching baseball games and writing blogs. One time, I lived in Bolivia. That’s pretty good. I mean, the worst thing I’ve got is a hernia and a testicle that sometimes ascends. It could be worse, like I could get burned for the insurance money. Or I could be in jail. The sister of a friend of mine told me a the Sox game that Cook County Jail, the holding cell where people await a lot of trials in Illinois, is about one of the worst places she could imagine being. In the Bolivian prison system, people are guilty until proven innocent and if someone outside the prison can’t take care of an inmate’s kids, the kids are brought to the prison to be raised. Sometimes kids are even born and raised in prison. My friend’s sister said that some prisons aren’t so bad and that some are even like being in a frat. I asked her if she meant that it was like a frat because of all of the rape. She didn’t. She defends cops who sometimes kill people for no reason, but she said that the majority of the cops she defends would prefer not to kill a person and try and go for non-lethal shots, but sometimes they feel like it’s the only way to prevent an even more violent situation from occurring.
People who know me know I have a lot of crazy and vivid dreams and that my little head is in the clouds a lot of times. My dreams can be pretty twisted sometimes, sometimes there are monsters and murderers or just sometimes unreasonable things like tiny aliens from another universe that say “shit” in Spanish. And these are just sort of weird things/ideas/sense information that get ignored by conscious personality and get randomly assembled in my unconscious. So, the collective unconscious would seem to be the part of our larger society that gets sort of ignored by our society’s conscious personality. And sometimes, in dreams you have a whole bunch of fantasy dreams about a girl you have a crush on like society makes a bunch of weird fantasies about Bragelenifer Damon. And when you really focus on the fact that the greater part of Africa is controlled by terrible warlords who amputate people for no reason, it becomes clear how crazy our collective unconscious and the things that are ignored by the majority of society really is.
It makes me really thankful for blogs, for a place where I can really take time to make sense of wherever this crazy place is, whatever the hell it is.