Ivanhoe’s Greatest Hits by Sir Walter Scott, read by Christopher Lee
In fact, Sir Lee did not carry me in his uterus for nine months and then give birth to me and then nurse me with life-giving pabulum from his bosoms. Like most men with whom I am acquainted, Sir Lee is not possessed of the necessary faculties to have performed these tasks, and has anyway now long been too old and tired to attempt carriage were science even to permit it.