The Reality Institute

iPhone 5 is born from a Gossamer-thin Sac Somewhere in Guangdong Province by C.N. Fusumu

The following is the sensational screenplay by C.N. Fusumu from which the blockbuster, feature-length film of the same title is based (coming to theaters and VOD this Christmas), preceded by the query letter that made it all possible.

Dear Hollywood Representation Directory,

               Attached you will find a tantalizing preview of the first few storyboard panels in a completed screenplay for my project, IPHONE 5 IS BORN FROM A GOSSAMER-THIN SAC SOMEWHERE IN GUANGDONG PROVINCE. My grandfather was a survivor of the Holocaust until his death last spring, and I have a lot of his stories floating around about it– in case you need some. If you are interested in taking a look at the rest of the screenplay, please do not hesitate to e-mail me immediately at my e-mail address: Please include “MCAFEE SECURITY WARNING: VIRUS ENCLOSED” in the subject line, so my Mom doesn’t open it if she is snooping around my inbox. Thank you for your consideration.

iPhone 5 is born from a Gossamer-thin Sac Somewhere in Guangdong Province

A screenplay by C. N. Fusumu

PANEL 1. A Chinese Boy Youth and a Chinese Girl Youth wriggle into the sloppy uterine folds of a chamber connected to a confusing web of medical tubes and pincers holding it in place. In the background there is a Chinese Boy Adult holding a fairly impressive clipboard. The Chinese Girl Youth’s sand deposit butt is still sticking out of the flaps of the chamber’s entrance, kind of, (the Chinese boy youth went in first, little bastard!) which is somewhat sexy but also a little revolting.

PANEL 2. Big bursts (that are also giant (and downright fucking electric)) of electricity electrify the sticky gross inner folds of the chamber, through some kind of injection of powerful energy which is maybe a derivative of fireworks but inconceivably scary. The burst is going through the aforementioned medical tubes at the speed of sound, probably faster. Chinese Boy Adult Behind the Glass drops his clipboard, and his mouth is now wide-Asian open and possibly rounded… not to mention his eyes are bulging out of his glasses.

PANEL 3. The entire electric grid of Guangdong Province flickers on and off. A collection of Gambling Chinese Boy Adults are flipping out due to not being able to see their gambling chips or beer in accordance with the well-known scientific principles of light and vision, though they are (the chips and beer), ostensibly right in front of them, shrouded in the opposite of light.

PANEL 4. Out the back hole of the chamber, which is basically what a bee has for a butt (except there is no stinger but instead something more like that elevated egg sac chute on the mother alien from the second Alien movie), a completely slimed-out green stack of shit oozes out making the Chinese Boy Adult dry heave and also laugh Asianly.

PANEL 5. American Boy Business Suit-wearer stomps into the room, checking his watch, and swipes away a ton of the goop from the stack of shit with his gargantuan hands-shaking hands. He hands a pile of the goop to a hole in the ground where it is vacuumed or otherwise disappeared via a sucking SFFFFFTT sound you can almost see.

PANEL 6. American Boy Business Suit-wearer holds up a brand-fucking-new thinner, lighter, Apple A6-powered iPhone 5, which supports a 16:9 aspect ratio and has a 4-inch slick goddamn screen, a 1.2 megapixel dope-ass camera, 1 GB of memory, the controversial but stunning Lightning Connecter and boasts tons of positive critical reception on and other websites for being probably the sickest, most curved machine yet made by Man

Look forward to the stunning motion picture starring Ryan Reynolds, Ryan GoslingMeg Ryan, and Jason Gordon-Love Hewitt this holiday season.


A little bit about C.N. Fusumu:  Sorry for taking so long to get back to you, I have been unironically watching an E! Channel marathon of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”. Nobody is in the house right now, and it is the only opportunity I get to watch Kim, Kourtney and the Other One for several hours straight without being beaten up or mocked. Season 7/Episode 02 was first; I poured myself a glass of white wine (I don’t know what the name of it was; I threw the bottle at a corner of my bathroom for reasons I cannot go into right now…) and watched as Bruce Jenner scared the crap out of Kim with a spider. At first, I balked, and then, I laughed… and then I went on every social media platform available to subsribe to my newfound Godess, Kim. I mean, she screamed like a little baby and ran down the hallway of their mansion, her buttocks jiggling in a really amazing way. THAT is entertainment. I keep a copy of Infinite Jest on the table by the toilet, to make people thing I am smart, but THIS is what I really live for. Season 7/Episode 03 was next, and in that hour I really came to identify with Scott, Kim’s kind of good-looking, useless brother who is pretty much a dumbass idiot loser but nevertheless exists in this world, which is as much as any of us can say. That is as close as I am capable of calling a biography. I refer to the final sentence and not the entire paragraph, which now seems long and rambling, and I wonder why I am/was/are continuing to type it.

Follow C.N. on Twitter @bedbugs99

16 Responses to “iPhone 5 is born from a Gossamer-thin Sac Somewhere in Guangdong Province by C.N. Fusumu”
  1. e-mail management 5 January 2013 at 4:32 pm #

    This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your excellent post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!

  2. Clinton Ribble 12 January 2013 at 11:10 am #

    I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. many thanks

  3. animal jewlery 31 July 2013 at 3:32 am #

    How beautiful the words of your blog articles, after reading them, I can’t helping loving the jewelry you just showed to me!

  4. nike free run 2.0 damen 26 September 2013 at 4:38 am #

    One more method for promoting your blog is posting comments on different directories with your blog link.

  5. brazilian wax 17 December 2013 at 1:30 pm #

    I am sure this paragraph has touched all the internet viewers,
    its really really pleasant article on building up new web

  6. flatten and tone your abs quickly 7 July 2014 at 1:33 pm #

    Hello friends, pleasant article and nice arguments commented
    here, I am truly enjoying by these.

    Have a look at my blog post; flatten and tone your abs quickly

  7. Violet 14 July 2014 at 6:01 am #

    It’s hard to find your posts in google. I found it on 15 spot, you should build quality
    backlinks , it will help you to rank to google top
    10. I know how to help you, just search in google – k2 seo tricks

  8. 19 September 2014 at 5:37 pm #

    There is no doubt that some hosting companies may offer a free or low priced service, but in return they places ads on your
    web page. This would give you a better grasp of the
    company, its policies and seeming lacunae if any.

    Their client base is a mixture of companies as well as individual personalities who
    demand only the best web hosting services which is ably provided by
    Host – Gator. The main advantages of using shared web hosting services include:
    . This Hostgator Coupon,, code allows
    you to get 25% off up to $599. With this technology that enables webmasters to enjoy
    the best of both worlds, it is indeed a great value proposition. This short guide will walk
    you through the steps on how to pick a good shared host.
    The main advantage of using VPS is that any information you have can be kept privately.
    For instance, some data centers may be experiencing power problems during a period of expansion or their bandwidth may be oversaturated leading to a less than optimal
    service for your customers. Support is slow with waiting times exceeding
    15 minutes sometimes.

  9. shared hosting reviews 20 September 2014 at 2:32 pm #

    Editor’s choice, # 1 finances internet hosting, prime 10 all-time webhosting, let’s
    simply state that Host – Gator does items
    best. The company employees always supply hi-end security mechanisms and required devices in order to bring the
    very best hosting services to its priceless clients.
    The track record is still fantastic which’s why I feel in time they will
    become popular.

    my site: shared hosting reviews

  10. hostgator promo 21 September 2014 at 9:45 pm #

    Spot on with this write-up, I really think this
    amazing site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the information!

    Also visit my webpage hostgator promo

  11. Spencer Lodge KIDS 22 September 2014 at 12:28 pm #

    Good response in return of this matter with genuine arguments and
    describing the whole thing about that.

  12. reseller hosting vs dedicated server 23 September 2014 at 2:07 am #

    The business has its international headquarter
    in Chicago and their information centres are equipped with cutting-edge equipments and security mechanisms, for that reason making the business extremely trustworthy and professional.
    The company employees always supply hi-end security systems and required devices in order to bring
    the very best hosting services to its priceless consumers.

    The other greatest downside of Pay Per Click is that you will certainly obtain excellent traffic but you will not know if that traffic is your target market or

    Feel free to surf to my blog … reseller hosting vs dedicated server

  13. Soluteme 23 September 2014 at 11:29 pm #

    Hi there. I noticed your blog title, “iPhone 5 is born from a Gossamer-thin Sac Somewhere in Guangdong Province by C.N. Fusumu ” doesn’t really reflect the content of your web
    page. When writing your blog title, do you believe
    it’s most beneficial to write it for SEO or for
    your readers? This is one thing I’ve been struggling with because I want great rankings but at the same time I want the best quality for my visitors.

  14. Madonna 5 October 2014 at 4:22 pm #

    I am really loving the theme/design of your website.
    Do you ever run into any browser compatibility issues?

    A handful of my blog readers have complained about my
    website not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari.
    Do you have any recommendations to help fix this issue?

  15. ¥·¥?¥?i`¥¯ 17 October 2014 at 12:09 pm #

    ??????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????

  16. Temeka 13 November 2015 at 5:50 am #

    Update: the corporation activated the provision of 25 million francs.

Leave a Reply