The Reality Institute

my letter to david dondero…. by Marty McCahill

daviddondero

here’s marty’s letter to David Dondero in audio format. and below that is it in written format!

letter-to-ddd

sorry about that email. i shouldn’t write emails at 2 am. 421 am is a much more appropriate time to write emails. i haven’t been getting much sleep these days…. well, i felt really bad that i didn’t get to see you play this last time in chicago but i have a legit story. i used to abuse cough syrup or dxm. i would chug and 8 oz bottle in the morning and it would make my whole day more interesting. anyhow, i’d been getting into the habit of doing that and then putting my head to rest with a bottle of whiskey. it wasn’t a good combo. i don’t know how long i would have gone on like that had i not accidentally overdosed. it was a wet, rainy monday in september…. i’d like to say september 15th… chicago was wet, drenched actually and flooded. i was working with my uncle doing odd jobs in nursing homes installing security systems. that day we stopped at a gas station. i was sober and i didn’t want to be anymore. i checked out what kinds of cough medicines they had and i saw dayquil and i remembered using that a couple years ago when i was in a jam and needed some lovely cough syrup so i bought two packages of 12 pills. i punched out each and every one of those 24 pills but the last one dropped behind the toilet. 23 sounded like a good number to me. i was dumb. the day went on with the same old bull shit work. we start driving back and i’m feeling a pain i never felt before. my chest is just wrenching around something fierce. i thought i would be ok if i just threw up whatever it was that i had put into myself. i was two miles from my home in river forest and all these streets are blocked off because the river flooded over and there was only one good bridge to get back to my house. so, i told my uncle i had to walk something off and i shoved my finger down my throat and tried to expunge the awfulness. it wasn’t working. i started to run. i didn’t get very far before a rip in my chest made me lay down on the forest floor. at that point i took out the empty box of dayquil and saw my mistake. what a lonesome feeling to know that you just took enough of something to kill yourself. i was 1.5 miles away from my home at this point. the weather is awful, its gray, its windy and i’m fat. i’m the chubbiest i’d ever been in my life weighing in at 240 pounds and i was feeling this weight. it wasn’t fun. but i ran home and i made it there and my parents took me to the emergency room and they gave me a charcoal cocktail. they hoped they had caught the overdose in time but they weren’t making any promises. long story short, my liver went into failure and the only option looked like a liver transplant. but there wasn’t enough time the doctor said. sorry kid, i guess you’re dead. i was drugged up so i don’t remember this as well as my parents and my 9 brothers and sisters. but things happened in that hospital. i should have been dead. and there was a moment… i can’t really describe it… i’m not sure i’m even supposed to, but i knew that i could either turn one way and just drift off into never ending sleep or i could live. and i chose life. and … i don’t know… things have just sort of been lining up for me now it seems…. all these big plans i’ve had all these years … the ground work is starting to come true. and i just opened up a lot… but, i love your music. i don’t know why i don’t hear your songs on the radio every day. the US as a whole has sad ears right now but i think things are changing…. i think… i went to DC with my cousin who worked on the obama campaign and i felt something there. i think this worlds going to start looking a whole lot prettier someday soon. but, i’ve been wrong before.

so. a lengthy email. i won’t apologize for it though because i think its a good tale. and, i can’t wait to see you play again. you really are an inspiration.

One Response to “my letter to david dondero…. by Marty McCahill”
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