So the other day our parent company, Reality Incorporated Co., made me do an instructional video on how to tell if things are real or not. I had no choice! But, I loved doing it. It gave me a chance to show the world how they could tell if stuff was real or not, which, aside form blogging, is like one of my top 5 things to do.

As I HAVE SAID BEFORE, all you have to do is look for the Certified Reality Products™ logo on something and then you know it’s real. This does not raise any questions. Really, it’s that easy. So stop asking.

And if you firmly believe that something is Real™, then you need to get a hold of some Certified Reality Products™ stickers fast so that you can firmly place them on your kids’ foreheads so that they don’t disappear. This is not a threat. The stickers themselves are real, so their reality is asserted and thrust into the objects that they are stuck too, giving the objects realness by proxy, which is a scientific word.

So, that’s why I made sure to ensure the reality of a lot of stuff in the United States while I was here because, if I didn’t, it would slip away into nothingness or the Native Americans would take it back from the white people (by putting stickers on all of the treaties ignored and broken by the United States government). So, you can thank me, America, for keeping your country American. And for keeping it Real™.

Peace!

mike!