Reality Kitchens®: Running Entropy Through the Food Processor By Head Chef Rosemary L. Viking

Prof. Dane Muckler once said that the world is the totality of facts, not things. At Reality Kitchens®, we hold this truth to be self-evident. Ingredients and raw materials are meaningless without the context of a recipe, a set of other ingredients and methods with names that we invent and impose upon them in order to organize the world and try to understand and eat it. Try, just try to imagine wheat without imagining what it does for you. You can’t do it! Even if you don’t want to turn the wheat into flour and the flour into a hot dog bun, you’ll still probably want to do something monstrous like frolic in it or watch it shimmer as it sways in the sun and summer breeze. But that’s okay; it’s only natural, after all.

The mission of Reality Kitchens® is to embrace a functional, hungry view of the world and to fight alongside the rest of humanity in our endless struggle to transform useless things into delicious facts. We aim to help readers organize their world into bite-size pieces of information, or occasionally larger servings that may be eaten with knives. There is nothing less real than unmade food, so with this in mind: let’s cook!

Our first recipe is a real classic: Classic Real Lasagna.

Pasta

3 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup rice bran
4 large eggs
2 tablespoons sweet vermouth
1 teaspoon olive oil

1. Mix all ingredients using either the well method or with a food processor or electric mixer.
2. Dust your countertop with additional flour or bran and knead the dough until it is firm, homogeneous, and dry. The dough should not stick to the countertop.
3. Form the dough into a ball, wrap in plastic wrap, and allow to rest at room temperature for one hour.
4. Cut the dough into eighths and process into lasagne, about nine inches long, according to your pasta maker’s instructions. Alternatively, the dough may be rolled out into very thin sheets and then cut into lasagne.
5. Dust finished lasagne with a small amount of bran to prevent sticking, cover, and set aside.

Filling

3 small eggplants, thinly sliced into long strips
3/4 bunch maitake mushrooms, roughly chopped
about 3/4 cup grated Pecorino Romano
about 3/4 cup grated Mozzarella
about 1/2 cup Ricotta
about 1/2 pound mixed ground beef and ground pork
1 tablespoon pine nuts
1/2 onion, diced
1 clove garlic, minced
2 or 3 large green olives, minced
7 or 8 capers, halved
1/4 teaspoon garam masala (substitute five-spice and curry powder)
1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil, for frying

1. Salt sliced eggplant and allow to sit for about 15 minutes to sweat.
2. Mix cheeses together and set aside, reserving about 1/4 cup Pecorino Romano.
3. Combine meat, capers, garam masala, marjoram, fennel seeds, and pepper in a mixing bowl.
4. Rinse off salted eggplant and drain and dry well. Toss or brush eggplant with about 2 tablespoons of olive oil.
5. Warm a non-stick skillet over medium-high heat. When hot, add eggplant and fry until both sides are browned, about 2 or 3 minutes on each side.
6. Remove eggplant from heat and set aside on paper towel to drain excess oil.
7. Add about 1 tablespoon of olive oil to the same non-stick skillet. Sauté pine nuts, onion, garlic, and olives until slightly browned.
8. Add meat and cook just through, making sure to break up any large chunks. Drain excess fat and reserve.

Sauce

about 20 ounces diced canned tomatoes in juice
1 small eggplant, peeled and diced
1/2 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 bunch maitake mushrooms, roughly chopped
2 or 3 large green olives, chopped
2 tablespoons Balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup red wine or fruit liqueur
dried thyme, to taste
dried basil, to taste
dried oregano, to taste
1 bay leaf
1 dash Tabasco sauce
salt and pepper
reserved fat from meat (see above)

1. Warm reserved fat over medium-high heat. Add eggplant, onion, garlic, mushrooms, olives, salt, and pepper and cook until onions become translucent.
2. Add tomatoes, vinegar, wine or liqueur, herbs, and Tabasco sauce and bring to a boil.
3. Cook uncovered to reduce until sauce reaches desired consistency

Assembly

fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
olive oil

1. Boil about 6 cups water in a large pot. Brush excess flour or bran from fresh lasagne and add to water.
2. Cook for 2-3 minutes or until firmly al dente. Remove from pot and rinse under cold water, then drain and dry on paper towel.
3. Lightly coat a 9-inch bread pan with olive oil.
4. Layer pasta, eggplant, mushrooms, meat, sauce, and cheese two or three times until pan is full. Top with pasta, sauce, parsley, and grated Pecorino Romano.
5. Cover with foil and bake at 350º (180ºC) for about 20 minutes, then remove foil and continue cooking for another 15-20 minutes.

-Head Chef Rosemary L. Viking